Article #1

What Happens When the Purpose You Thought You Had Is Interrupted?

For most of my life, I believed success was about reaching the next milestone or achievement. And, like many people, I measured my life by the finish lines in front of me.

Graduate high school.

Join the military.

Build the career.

Start a nonprofit.

Earn another degree.

Launch another next project.

What I didn't realize in the moments was that I also was building my identity around those actions.

Having reflected on the past, the first time I built my identity around a goal had everything to do with how I was raised. Growing up, joining the military wasn't just one option for my future, it was the future. Every man in our family had followed that path for generations. It was honorable. It was expected. But, looking back I don't know if I ever truly chose it rather than inheriting it. (Do not mistake what I am saying, I love America and every man and woman who has volunteered to serve in the military, and I would serve again, just maybe a little bit differently.) But, after only two and a half years, an unexpected event led to my discharge.

In an instant, the future I thought I was building disappeared. For several years following my exit, I drifted. Felt lost like a ship adrift at sea. Then it just turned into survival.

A few years later, marriage and fatherhood changed that. When my son was born, something shifted inside me. Growing up without a father to look up to, I became determined that my son would never have to wonder whether his dad loved him or whether he had someone worth following. That gave me direction. At twenty-six I enroll into college. A first for a man from my family. While in college, my wife and I started a nonprofit. After graduation, we moved our family of four across the country to pursue work we believed would make a lasting difference. We poured years into serving others, and for the first time in a long time, life felt aligned.

Then, 2020 happened.

Like so many others, our plans unraveled. Jobs were lost. Our nonprofit closed. We packed up our lives, moved home, and had to start over.

And for the second time in my life, I found myself asking the same question: "Now what do I do? Now who am I?"

That's when I finally noticed a pattern. It wasn't just that I had lost two careers, or two dreams, or two plans. I had tied my identity to things that were never meant to carry it. The military wasn't the problem. The nonprofit wasn't the problem. The problem was that I had confused a destination with a direction. Over the next several years, I began studying leadership, psychology, motivation, purpose, and personal development. I read authors like Simon Sinek, David Brooks, Scot McKnight, and James Clear, revisited my own experiences, and started asking different questions.

One question kept rising to the surface:

What happens when the purpose you thought you had is interrupted?

I don't think we talk about that enough.

We spend a lot of time teaching people how to set goals. How to achieve more. How to be successful. But very few people teach us what to do when the finish line disappears.

Over time, I began to realize that maybe the goal isn't to build a life around achievements and finite goals at all. Maybe it is to build this thing called an infinite vision, one that can survive changing jobs, changing seasons, unexpected loss, and even our own evolving understanding of who we're becoming. I've come to believe that goals are incredibly important, but they were never meant to carry the weight of our identity. Instead, our goals should serve something bigger.

An Infinite Vision.

Over the next several weeks & months, I'll be sharing the framework I've been developing through my research, teaching, and personal experiences.

We'll explore questions like:

What's the difference between vision and goals?

Why do so many people struggle to find purpose?

Can purpose change over time?

How do your values shape your decisions?

Why do habits matter more than motivation?

What happens when life interrupts the plans you thought would define you?

I do not have every answer, but I do believe that together we can start having a better conversation about success. One that asks not only, "What do you want to accomplish?" But the question that has changed my own life: "Who are you becoming?"